Peace, True Self, It All Begins At Home

Did you ever feel like you were living the wrong life. How did I get here and who are these people? This thought is a constant in my mind.

How did my house become an embarrassment?

I am a candidate for one of those clean house shows.

I need a complete overhaul and instead of trying to fix it I can't seem to get out of the clutter, dirt, just plain grossness of it all. When I watch the show Wife Swap I always feel kinda bad because I am the white trash, messy mom, who the other perfect suburban mom is grossed out by. My problem is I don't have the kitchy weird hobby or lifestyle to pull off my home. I am not a Renaissance tattoo artist hippy mama. Just a normal girl with a strange messy house. This weekend I decided to embrace the white trashiness of it all but I am still working on the terms of this agreement with the home that lives in my mind.

I have been caught in a cleaning coma and I am one of the worst victims. I can't clean because I can't move, I literally can't get to the cleaning supplies. No really, I mean getting the garbage out into the garage is a impossibility most days. I can't make it through the laundry room/mudroom/ closet, to get to the garage! I would have to move to many laundry baskets, shoes, toys to get to the door. Talk about a fire hazard!

So I pile the garbage on my kitchen counter and hope a fairy will come before my husband gets home. I am not opposed to cleaning, I actually don't mind it, (lie, lie, lie) but when you are in a war with clutter, a small house and 2 small children the battle may really belong to the Lord because no earthy being could stand up against the dirt in my home. I need a Godly intervention, but I'm pretty sure God cares more about my soul then the presence of clutter.

OK and after writing this next statement I may have no more friends but seriously what is up with the people who say their house is a mess and then when you get there it is perfect? Where are the people whose houses look like mine? I have yet to meet anyone in recent years who has a normal home. Where am I living and how do I find people like myself.

Wait, it is possible that I am the bottom of the barrel? In Clifton Park I most likely am. In recent years I have longed to pick up my clutter and move out of town. We have looked for homes in Colonie and Watervliet but never found anything quite right. I feel like I am a child living amongst grown up's. Such perfection, really, your homes are beautiful, but what's up! Maybe I'm not in the wrong life, just the wrong zip code. Really I have only one friend who can come to my home unannounced or otherwise. Becky you can feel proud or and honored or maybe just grossed out! I don't know but you are always welcome! Becky actually helped me get out of a cleaning coma once and I will forever be grateful!


I hate apologizing for my home, but I really do feel bad inviting other mom's and their precious children over to my pit. I always feel so bad when they inevitably step in dog poop, or when those precious children scoop up a dust bunny and mistake it for a wad of cotton candy.

One thing I have noticed is that people do feel comfortable in my home. I am a pretty good hostess, the food may be served on chipped dishes, or most likely paper plates, but the food is good and I will fill your belly.

OK, so friends, no advice that you have been here, because I can tell when I visit your homes you have never reached these depths of messiness that I call home. Maybe I just don't have the knack for cleaning and organizing that others possess. Maybe my true purpose is to make others feel better about themselves, because when I envisioned my life I always had a maid, I was never THE MAID!

I am not seeking decorating advice or cleaning advice, I'm just trying to find my place, find my real life and find some peace. It all begins at home. You find yourself at home but if you have no peace with your home then where do you go?