Vanity

vain
adj. vain·er, vain·est
1. Not yielding the desired outcome; fruitless: a vain attempt.
2. Lacking substance or worth: vain talk.
3. Excessively proud of one's appearance or accomplishments; conceited.
4. Archaic Foolish.

Twice in the past few weeks this word, vain has been used to describe me. Now I have never considered myself to be vain and I took these references as assaults on my character. Do I consider myself vain, absolutely not. In fact I see myself to be quite the opposite.

Growing up I was always the skinny girl with the funny hair. My father loves to recall how as a toddler he would take me out and people would stop in their tracks and point at me. A tiny girl of 2 or 3, very small for my age yet walking and to top it off I had an afro. Not curly hair, not wavy hair, not the uniform tight curls that adorned the head of Little Orphan Annie, no I had a fro.

I can only imagine my poor mother trying to make sense of tufts of hair that sprouted from my tiny head. My sisters had been graced with pin straight shiny hair that could be combed through easily and styled into the fashion of the day. Not my hair, it's poufy, big and funny. It has a life of it's own. Finally my mom cut my hair short and that is they way it stayed. Many hairdressers over the years told me I could never have the long hair that I have dreamed about. My hair is course, curly, wavy, and frizzy, I do the best I can with what I have. That is pretty much how I approach my daily grooming sessions. I try to accentuate the positive, my eyes, big blue eyes, they look great with pretty eyeshadow and black mascara. I always wear earrings, even if I am the only one home who will see them. I find that a pair of earrings, a nice top, and some makeup really help me to get going each day and to feel good about myself.

I work with what I have and hope that it all looks good. I try to take chances when I dress, I like to look unique, no carbon copy mom uniform for me. For this reason, I am always asking my husband how I look. Does my hair look to poufy, is my top to low cut, etc.... I know this annoys him and I try not to do this very often. But on Sundays when we go to church I like to dress up and look pretty.

Now back to the topic of this post, is this vanity, am I vain? I like to look nice and I like my children to wear pretty clean clothes and to have their hair done. I like my dog to look neatly groomed and pretty. It's more fun to pet a clean dog who has been professionally groomed. I also think my dog knows she looks pretty and feels better. Not unlike us humans.

But other then my appearance my life is a wreck. My house is dirty, messy and not decorated all that well. My car is a dangerous moving violation. Over the summer their were bees circling it and my husband claimed they could smell all the old food and spilled drinks inside! Would a vain person own a car so dirty that insects try to pry their tiny bodies into it's crevices for a snack? I really don't think so.

Vain people don't ask others how they look. Conceited people know they look good and don't need the approval of others. I am not vain, just maybe a bit insecure, it's just the little skinny girl in me trying to fit in. Trying to look my best. If I kept my house perfectly decorated and impeccably clean no one would call me vain. They would praise me and say I was the second coming of Martha Stewart! Why is a person who takes pride in their appearance considered vain?

Galatians 3:20 states: "Let us not become conceited provoking and envying each other." I envy no one. I have accepted what God has given me. I try to model my life after what is referred to as the Fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self- control. I don't have them mastered and probably never will but I sure do wish that I would be judged by how I love my kids, by the joy I have when taking care of my dogs, the patience I have for Jordan when she wants to do everything herself, the kindness that I try to show to all the people I meet, the goodness of my heart, my faithfulness to my family and to God, my gentleness to those who need help, and my self-control when I hold my tongue instead of saying what is exactly on my mind.

Please don't judge me not, for I don't judge you. I'm just trying to do my best and look it at the same time.

Karen and the Neverending To Do List

I now am the mom of a new golden retriever puppy! Bella is a sweet energetic dog who is quickly becoming one of the family. With all this excitement I have been having a hard time keeping track of all the things I need to do each day. I'll be doing the laundry and I will start to think about how I need to drop Avon books off, call for pictures, take a bath, brush my kids teeth, you get the picture. But as soon as I finish the laundry these tasks always get filed away in my brain. Most likely to the cold case file storage room in my head, I only remember them at the last minute, when it is do or die and I need to get this or that done now! I run through the house shouting orders, screaming at my kids, jumping over dogs, all the while chanting the mom's mantra of " Why am I always rushing around at the last minute!!"

In the past I have made lists, but then always proceed to misplace them. Greg says the computer is the way to go. Use your email task list, it is much easier!

So yesterday I sat down made a list on the computer, but a busy mom such as me cannot get by with just one list. I need daily lists, birthday party planning lists, Christmas task lists and household cleaning lists just to name a few.

When I attempted to make multiple lists on the computer it just would not work. So I called my computer savvy, computer programmer, genius of a husband. Now I should have known before I called him that he would be no help. This is a man who can single handily run his department at work. He is the computer guru of the insurance world for goodness sake, but present him with simple computer tasks, and he is clueless. He can't even figure out Facebook. Jordan can use FB, jeepers! I call Greg at work and he says "wait till I get home, I'll show you then."

So this morning in our crazy house of 1 preschooler, 1 toddler, 1 old dog and 1 pup, we set about making to do lists.

We spent an hour trying to figure out how to make a to do list. He pointed, I clicked, we read directions, we argued, but no new list. Here we were 2 adults with loads to do, staring at a computer trying to make a list, all the while surrounded by empty notebooks, post it notes, desk calenders and 2 planners. Well, we never figured it out. I never made my list. Whoever said technology is freeing was sadly mistaken. I wasted an hour trying to figure out how to make a to do list instead of actually doing my to do's.

This scenario is a very classic example of why I am so tired, why I see no end in sight to my exhaustion and why my house will never ever be clean!

To all you tired mom's out there if you forget things, get a notebook or a planner and with a pen in hand make lists to your hearts content. Making lists can be quite satisfying even if you lose them, or never ever check anything off. I think a well written to do list is an art form that should be admired and preserved for at least a day or so before checking things off of it anyway!

Now go and make a list you have things to do!

Liberty

Well, I have just been too sad to write. On October 30 I found out that my Liberty, my beloved cocker spaniel has cancer. We have chosen not to treat it and to just love her and keep her comfortable for the remainder of her days.

As I sit here typing my eyes are filling with tears my love for this dog is just so big that I really can't bear to even think of it. She has had many good days and a few bad these past few weeks. All I ask is that whoever reads this will say a prayer , for a dog that was twice returned to the pound but who for the past 9 years has loved us and loved life. She has touched many people and even at the age of 10 she still gets more attention when out then a puppy! Dogs like Liberty are few and far between. I am not talking about a perfect dog, Liberty is not and never has been. She steals food, right out of my hand in fact! She snips at children, and even bites puppies! But she is loyal, she is brave, she is playful, and she has loved me and been with me for the past 9 years more than even my husband!

I was going to tell her tale today, how we found her, the silly things she has done, but really in the end all that matters is how she made us feel. Dogs are created by God to love their owners, provide companionship and to give joy! Many times they may seem like more work then fun but ultimately when their lives are nearing the end the comfort they provided us during their lives is their lasting legacy.

When Liberty is up late in the night, panting and breathing hard I rub her and hold her. Her breathing slows, she knows I am there. Just as she was there for me when I was afraid of being home alone, or the time she knew I was hurting with a very bad headache, she licked my face and I was comforted. That's what dogs do, they bring comfort and joy to our lives.

I will store up all the memories of Liberty in my heart during these last days of her life. I will try to remember her fur, the softness, how her paws sometimes smell like corn chips. I will memorize her face and rub my nose on her wet nose. But the comfort, the closeness of sharing a good cuddle with her and how she was sad when I am sad is what will be her lasting legacy. She took care of me and now I will do the same for her. She is fragile now, but she is still the dog who would walk with me for hours in the woods. We had our times, we shared alot in those woods. Adventures that only the 2 of us share. We were quite a pair and a piece of my heart will go with her when she dies.

I love you Liberty and always will, you are and will forever be my true best friend.

The Woman I Grew Up to Become

As many of you know I am a fan of Facebook. What started out as a simple request from my friend Becky has now turned into a bit of an obsession for me. I have reconnected with many old friends and it is a great way to stay in touch with my current friends. We exchange pictures, recipes, and our daily trials. In the past I would look to people.com or some other celebrity website to feed the my guilty pleasures, I now go to Facebook.

So today as I was browsing through the news feeds, ( it sounds very pertinent but it's just updates about what has been happening in the world of FB.) While looking at all the details of my FB friends lives, I came across a picture taken during my senior year. It was of the entire senior class. Many people were commenting on it, saying how funny we looked, the big sweaters, the big hair, etc. I took a look at myself and really thought nothing of it. A little bit later I looked again and was surprised at what I saw.

The ugly girl who had such a hard time in school, looked kinda pretty now. That ugly girl was me and when I was in school I had many many kids come right up to me and tell me how ugly I was. Just what I needed to hear, right? Thanks for the info guys! Well, I will never forget their names, or how these kids made me feel. My school life was not a happy one and the things that were said to me , the things that were thrown at me and the way even the teachers made me feel has stuck with me to this day.

But it all ends here. In this blog, on this day, forever. Because I realized something, that girl, was pretty, she was sweet, she was smart and she deserved better. Don't think I have been feeling down about myself all these years, I haven't I have a great self image! But at that moment I realized something, all those kids, the ones who rejected me, laughed at me, and made my life miserable to advance their own egos were just a bunch of LOSERS!! I know this sounds harsh, some may say they were just kids, but at what point do kids become accountable? High school kids know better and most choose to ignore common sense. Be kind to others, everyone is an equal, be patient, accept those who are not like you, are not the types of things I saw a lot of in school.

But most of all, those kids lost out, they never got to know the girl who was an awesome tennis player and could hit a backhand winner down the line almost every time. If they had asked I would have taught them how to do it! They lost out on a friend who would have been true to the end. They also lost out on knowing the woman that girl grew up to be.

I was just as pretty as any of them, so for whatever reason they chose to single me out will forever be a mystery, but it has made me who I am today so I won't complain. We all have different roads we need to take in our lives and my early years with my peers were awful. But I have more then made up for it. I did go through a period in my life where I thought I had to be perfect and mean just like those kids to survive. I soon realized that it only burns holes in your heart and does no good, because you are only hurting yourself. You miss out on knowing some great people when you judge by looks first and character second.

If any of my high school classmates ever read this I want to introduce myself, my name is Karen, I'm pretty and kind. I am also a good writer, a great mom, and an even better friend. I think I am funny and I love to make others laugh. I am not much different today, except I am not as shy and have not fear in telling anyone what I think.

Today I have many friends, friends who never knew me back then, and really don't care about what I was like at 17. They also don't care one bit about what I look like or that I have bad hair days an awful lot! If only the kids of Colonie High Class of 89 had tried to see this, but maybe this is the way it was always intended to be.

The only way I know how to end this is with this quote from my friend Kathy, "my past does not define me, my Jesus defines me." And that quote sums up the woman I have grown up to be! be!

To Vote or Not To Vote and Does it Even Matter?

Another morning in the Adkins household, let me paint you a picture

Oh look, there's mom rocking her 2 precious babies. Dad is getting a coffee and getting ready to head out the door. All is well in the world, cue the Today Show, look again, there's mama, still rocking the babies but why is she screaming. Look her face is turning red and she's shouting at Dad!

Yes I can't handle watching the news these days. Or the Obama show as so many call it. The lies and half truths drive me up the wall. All my yelling and screaming caused my husband to say once again, that it does not even matter who we vote for since we live in NY. Obama will win the state so who cares. Well, there are other races and important ones to I added, but then I got to thinking and I realized that it does really matter.

It matters because who you choose to vote for on election day says something about you. What you stand for and what your values are should determine your vote. My children are watching me and learning how to act, trying to understand the world and what I do. Who I vote for and what I believe will be passed on to them. If I don't take a stand for my beliefs then what is left?

In today's world we are taught to be tolerant of other people's views, their religions, and their stances on important issues. Well I think that this waters down society and if we believe this new tolerance doctrine then nothing matters.

As Christians if we give credit to other religions and say there is more then one way to God, then Jesus was a liar who died for nothing. His apostles are fools and anyone martyred in his name is a fool who wasted their life. Why even bother going to church if you are going to add a little Buddhism to your Christianity? Jesus was not a Buddhist, he was a tolerant person, and he never wavered when he spoke of the truth. But when he spoke the truth, grace was always in the mix.

But another thing really gets to me. If who we vote for speaks to our beliefs what about the people who mindlessly follow the media without even checking to see if what is shown is actually true. What about what they are not telling us. News served on a silver platter only shows half the story. As a busy mom it is so hard to find the time to read and seek out the truth, why can't the news just present an unbiased view? But it really is my duty to understand who I am voting for, and who I am not choosing to vote for and why.

Next Tuesday I will go and vote, whether or not Obama wins, I believe my vote will matter because of who is watching me. I want my kids to grow up in a world where what you believe matters, where you can take a stand without being called a bigot, a hater, you name it. I want to teach Jordan and Janelle that the truth you believe in is the same today, tomorrow and forever.

New Name

I have decided that I would like to change the name of this blog. I have been thinking that I am not really that tired anymore and would like to convey a more positive image. I have been considering a few different titles but would love some help. So go ahead and send me your ideas! If I like your idea, I will recognize you in my humble writings and someday when I am rich and famous maybe I will compensate you! Until then a simple thanks, will have to do!

What To Do?

I think one of the hardest things about being a stay at home mom is deciding what to do each day. There is no blueprint and in my case we really don't have a set schedule. Many times, today for instance I am just kinda vegging and wandering the house with no purpose.

Jordan decided, that if she could not go to the mall and eat pretzels then the day was better spent at home. Our weekly story time with Mrs. Payette was no competition for the mall and so after a lot of yelling, and kicking, mom and daughter both, we decided to stay at home.

4 hours ago that seemed like a great idea, but right now maybe not. The fighting has begun, the kids are tired, I am on my 5Th load of laundry and am struggling to keep my eyes open. The time for naps is quickly passing. Soon I will turn into a drill sergeant shouting out orders, no napping, eyes open, get up, it's too late for sleep!!!I have to do this because if they sleep now they won't sleep tonight. I must also fight with myself because if they napped now, I could too! But I know I would regret it later....

I have heard it said that today's kids are over scheduled but on days like today I can't even imagine. I do see many mom's heading to the Y, then the library, then to playgroup all in one day! I guess even 3 year olds can be over scheduled. Maybe the Adkins girls are a different breed. Jordan and Janelle need a few days at home playing, watching TV, and just hanging out each week. I am not much of a planner and so many days pass and I have to say little was accomplished. Unless you consider kid's using their imaginations, playing with toys and cuddling with mom to be a wasted day. So many times I get the feeling that many people today would see this as a wasted toddlerhood!

Will my kids be able to compete with the other kids, the kids who attend school, the kids who visit the museum weekly. How will my kids measure up against the yoga tots, tiny chefs, and the signing kids?

Will the other kids think Jordan is a slacker because she has never attending a chef's class, or been to mother goose's school of manners? Those kids mom's must have gotten the blueprint for motherhood at the hospital. My mommy backpack just had some formula, wipes, ointments and a few "free" baby blankets.

Am I doing it all wrong? I don't think so but, this blog will be continued in 5 to 10 years and I will let you know how well the under scheduled toddlers make out, will they get into kindergarten, will they graduate grade school, only time will tell.....

What Did I Do Today

I read this poem and loved it. I hope you all enjoy it, it is how I live my life and I bet many of you can identify with me! This may also be a great thing to copy and put on the fridge to remind all those husbands who come home with little understanding of what goes on during the day. As my neighbor told me the other day, who has time for housework when we are growing children, mind , body and little souls! Enjoy!


What Did I Do Today
Today I left some dishes dirty,
the bed got made around 3:30.
The diapers soaked a little longer,
The odor grew a little stronger.
The crumbs I spilled the day before
Are staring at me from the floor.
the fingerprints there on the wall
Will likely be there still next fall.
the dirty streaks on those windowpanes
Will still be there next time it rains.
Shame on you, you sit and say,
Just what did you do today?
I held a baby till she slept,
I held a toddler while he wept.
I played a game of hide and seek,
I squeezed a toy so it would squeak.
I pulled a wagon, sang a song,
Taught a child right from wrong.
What did I do this whole day through?
Not much that shows, I guess that's true.
Unless you think that what I've done,
might be important to someone
with deep green eyes and soft brown hair,
If that is true....I've done my share. -Author Unknown-

Sick and Tired

Well, that about sums it up. I am sick and tired of buying into the belief that a spouse who works outside the home works harder than a stay at home parent. Yeah it's hard to get up and get dressed and go out and work for someone else. But ya know what, it's no day in the park being thrown up on. It's no day in the park because as a stay at home mom I work for a 3 year old and a 21 month old.



What about the fact that I am constantly cleaning, constantly cooking, I never sit down until it is time for me to rock my children to sleep. Instead of enjoying this time, I am making a list of all the things I need to do once my precious children go to sleep.

Many mom's condemn me because I rock my kids to sleep. Well I think I am a genius. Because if I did not rock them to sleep I would have to continue working. I work from morning to bed time. I am fed up and no longer going to make excuses for those people who work outside the home, this home. I dust, clean , cook, do the wash, iron the wash, make the bed, last night I even carried my Liberty up the stairs because she could not make it on her own. I keep an eye on the health of a 3 year old, 21 month and 10 year old cocker spaniel. 2 of which cannot speak! I look for lumps, bumps, ticks and now I am even battling the system over a "supposed" speech problem. I guess a college degree has more clout than a mom's intuition. Leave my kid alone!

I am sick and tired of all of this.



I work longer, I work harder, I do a great job at a job that is never done, never rewarded, never acknowledged.



I work while the working parent spends the quality time with my girls, the time that I don't have during the day because I am brushing 3 sets of teeth, getting 3 bodies dressed, combing 3 very different types of hair. I negotiate, I make deals, I sometimes even win these deals. But even when I lose I still have to show up, I still have to do the work and I don't ever get a day off.



I know I am ranting and probably not making sense. But I am tired of censoring, this blog is supposed to be my outlet. This is how I see it and to those who will complain, well then just don't read what I have to say.

How can a Tired Mom Stop Obama and Save Our World?

Well, I said his name. Or at least I typed it. I vowed last night to never speak his name again. He scares me. I am going to be blunt, I think he is a bad man. Yes I follow politics and the economy, I also know what happens when people blindly follow an individual. I feel much of this passion for him is just based on a vague idea that he can change things. Look back in history and see what happens when a charismatic individual who people mindlessly follow comes to power.

I also follow Biblical prophecy and again this man scares me. His views on Israel confuse me. I will write about this in another blog.

I just feel powerless because I think he will be elected. I believe our country and our lives will change forever. In the past I always cared about who would be president, but I never felt like my way of life was being threatened. I have heard the sayings, I know politicians can't be trusted, but I feel that this man, is in another league. His past is shady, his confidence is scary, his band of blindfolded followers are a bit unsettling. He lies, and those lies are scary. Why are people believing him, what is happening to our country? Inform yourselves people!!

What can one mom do? How many days are left until the election, 28? It's too late. I see my country slipping away. I see this man as the next dictator, not a President, I beg all of you to wake up!

Pray, I think getting on our knees and praying may be the only way to stop him. But yet, I am back to Biblical prophecy, if God wants it, it will come to be.

I am just one mom, for months I have felt the urge to do something. But what? I have seen this coming and I did not inform myself enough to tell other people. I never followed my heart and tried to find ways to spread the word.

I plan on posting more about this, I plan on exploring these issues more deeply. Please continue to read, I will not give up, I believe in America and hope we can all come to our senses.

Fruit

John 15:1 -2 A " I am the vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit"

That was one of the verses in my devotions this morning. Once again I began to think of all the time I spend squandering my life. How much time is lost watching TV, reading magazines that have no value, shopping, and just staring at the computer at things that mean nothing. Many of this is done while my children wander the house on their own, my back to them.

While I was reading a magazine did Jordan grow a bit taller, oh and Janelle is crying, did she fall? Of course I don't know. I was in the room but I was not present. How often does this happen to me, how often does it happen to you?

I will try once again to try to devote my full attention to the world around me. Throw the magazines in the trash, turn off the TV, and computer. (After I write this blog and check my email of course!) But, in a few days Ugly Betty will be on, I will need to Google a recipe, or check freecycle. I will be back to square one. When will it stick, which time will I be able to stand tall, and be present in my life?

Every year the trees in my yard are green one day and the full of color the next, or so it seems. I will say to my husband, I missed it again. Next year I will watch, next year I will be present. How many of us are that present in our lives, in our worlds that we notice the trees in our very own backyard change color? This year I will. I plan to take pictures each day, to see each subtle change. God works in each of us very differently. For some the changes are dramatic, for others, they are slow, letting go of one TV show, one magazine at a time.....

May we find out paths, may we all find the life God intended for us. A life fully present and savoring each precious moment.

Global Warming

Today is a rainy miserable day in Clifton Park. It is one of the first inside only days in quite awhile. Well, if you have read the title of this blog you already get the idea of what I am about to say. Who ever said Global Warming was a bad thing? For those of us who are confined to our homes for about 6 months of the year especially those with small children a little Global Warming now and then really isn't a bad thing.

It's now 3:23 in the afternoon and I am about to shove my 2 little ones outdoors. Kid's need room to run and mom's need a little break. There is only so much to do for an entire day inside and only so many body parts to cover in marker. ( the pictures will be posted shortly)

So my new prayer is not for world peace, the economy, ending world hunger, although these are all really great causes I am hoping and praying for an unseasonably warm day here in Clifton Park NY at least twice a week all winter long. Now is that really too much to ask!

Global Warming, bring it on!

Karen Adkins, Not Smarter Than a 3 Year Old!

As a mother of two small children I strive daily to show patience and kindness.

This can be so hard to do. In this world there are few things slower and less aware of time than a 3 year old!

Jordan prides herself on an "I can do it myself attitude." Now for the first three years of her life I have really worked at showing patience and kindness, spilled milk, broken toys, stained carpets, makeup on the walls you name it no matter what, mom always replied " That's OK Jordan."

Well my "that's OK attitude" has now backfired. Example: The Sunday morning rush off to church, " Jordan your pants are on backward, your shoes are on the wrong feet and orange and aqua blue, not a good color combination."

What do I hear, "that's OK mom!"

Poop on the carpet, "that's OK mom!" No not really OK Jordan .

Where did I go wrong?

I am not sure whether I should pat myself on the back for raising such a calm and easy going child or go back to school because I think I have now been out smarted by a 3 year old!

You heard it here, Karen Adkins,
NOT SMARTER THAN A 3 YEAR OLD!

God of Wonders

I hear so many people speak about how they are jaded by "religion" Or those that go to church out of guilt. This makes me so sad and really hurts my heart.

The God I know is not a God of guilt but a God of forgivness, love and grace.

The God I know does not condenm but is a God who "dared to give it all away for me"

I just find it so sad when I see hearts that have turned from God or hearts that have never even attempted to know Him. The freedom, the joy. A life is better lived when you realize that you belong to this God of Wonders.

I don't know how to change a heart, how to soften ones mind to God. Only God knows. I can only pray for my friends and family. The rest is up to God.

What I Learned on My Vacation

Well, the long awaited vacation is finally over. It was a week of ups and downs. I have come home and come to many realizations. Here they are in no particular order:

1. The ocean is awful smelly. Having never been to the ocean as an adult, I was a bit surprised when we got off the highway and I got a whiff of the "ocean air." I asked Greg, where is the dump. I was looking for the landfill, when Greg told me that is was the ocean I was smelling. I really hoped he was kidding. Not!!! Even now I can't seem to get the stench off of my things.

2. Kids get really really tired on vacation and 19 month olds are really meant to stay home.

3. I can get by with less makeup. Not on my face of course. I just don't need 25 lipsticks all at one time. I can get by with 2 or 3!

4. Sand and diapers don't mix.

5. Waiting 2 hours for a meal is a waste of time. I will take my mom's spaghetti over a "good" restaurant any day.

6. The greatest truth I learned while away is that you should not look forward to vacation to escape. I did not relax or find the peace I have heard people find (or say) they find on vacation. My real true peace is found in my everyday life. I will take a great church service, a good book, dinner on my deck, or even breakfast at McDonald's any day. These are my true escapes.

The 2 hour church service I attended yesterday does not even come close to a week away. Thinking about God and all of his promises transported me to a peace that money cannot buy. God's promises are for everyday life. I will not wait until I go on some fake vacation to a fake place to be the me I was intended to be. "Vacation Karen" will just be "Plain old everyday Karen"

Oh and one last point: don't forget the eye cream in your suitcase. You really will miss it!

The Haircut

Here it is. The day my hair looked better then it ever did. Notice the look of joy upon my face!

My hair had never, ever looked so good. My hair will never look this good again.

Seriously, I went and had it shampooed, cut, and styled. Since I was trying a new hair stylist I was a bit nervous. Her name was Bobby Jo, she really seemed to know her stuff. She talked to me about texture, straightening, razor cutting. I was mesmerized.

When she was finished I could not believe my eyes. Finally I had been transformed. I was a beauty, ready for the red carpet. This was how I was always meant to look. I complimented Bobby Jo, telling her she was the best. I tipped, I gushed, I told her I would send all my friends. I left the salon feeling better then I have ever felt.

But deep inside I knew it was fleeting. Would I be able to make it look this good at home? To ensure success I had Greg take pictures, memories to look at. A guide, a hair handbook.

Well, I was never able to replicate the exact look that Bobby Jo had so expertly achieved. I referred to the photos, I straightened, applied products, sprayed and gelled. To no avail, I could not get it to look the same. But I was still pleased, it was such an awesome cut and so I lived with the anticipation of returning to Bobby Jo's chair and her expert hands. Well, after about 3 weeks I returned and so did my hair, to it's former state. Frizzy unmanageable, and puffy. Bobby Jo did all the same things, shampooed, cut and styled and well, I guess magic can only happen once in a lifetime.

Why can't a hair stylist ever replicate the magic. Why is a hair style never better then the first time it is cut. Where does the magic go?

And now a moment of silence as I mourn my hair.

Enjoy these pictures. I will look at them and try not to shed too many tears.

No Staring Please!

Why is a kicking, screaming child who won't get into a grocery cart something people are interested in?

Should I sell tickets the next time Janelle refuses to get into the cart! Maybe!

Today at Hannaford Janelle made it known that she was not at all interested in shopping, in a cart, in my arms, or even in the "fun" kid seat. She was not happy and no one not even mommy could make her happy.

She kicked. She screamed. I pretended to igonor her but very soon a crowd started to gather. I kid you not, people just stood and stared! These were not the " I have been there, you poor thing" stares. These were "this is entertaining" stares. I think maybe they were waiting for me to have a melt down also. Well not me, I have a hungry family to feed! Obviously I was the only person whoneeded to food because, as we progressed into the store, wherever we went people stopped what they were doing and stared.

This is not exactly true, some people, blocked the aisles so that I could not get through. Did they not hear the screaming child, who by aisle 3 was coated in chocolate. Hershey Kisses were my only line of defense, no judging, these bit of chocolate heaven got me to aisle 6 in relative silence.

As you can imagine I got in and out just as fast as I could but all the bystanders just made it a bit uncomfortable. So here is some advice, the next time you are out shopping and a baby, toddler, or hostile preschooler is screaming, kicking and causing a ruckus, do the very tired mom a favor, DON"T STARE, and MOVE out of her way!

Thank you!

Recycle or go to Hell, warns Vatican: Uh Oh!

Failing to recycle plastic bags could find you spending eternity in Hell, the Vatican said after drawing up a list of seven deadly sins for our times.



If this is the case then boy am I in big trouble. Does the Pope realize that while I am scraping and rinsing out the spaghetti o can, those spaghetti o's in question could:

Be fed to, or licked up by the dog; the repercussions of which will be scooped up by my lazy husband on his twice a year pooper scooping mission.

They could be used to paint the floor, the walls, or even a toddler's body.

Or the spaghetti o's that started out in the can,the can that will determine my eternal salvation, could be found hours later in a dirty diaper, or days later stuffed into a play purse?


As you can surmise I do not recycle. I believe that recycling is actually a conspiracy theory generated by the goverment and lazy husbands who want to keep women, stay at home mom's to be exact stuck at home lining up cans, milk jugs and cardboard boxes on the countertops.

I do not believe that God is judging me for tossing a can or 2 or 12 in the garbage. In fact, I have never felt more free then the first time I chucked a tin can in the garbage. There I was in my kitchen staring down 4 milk jugs and assorted cans feeling very overwhelmed. Everything was so cluttered and every time I ventured into the garage to sort these recyclable treasures my Janelle would howl and carry on as if I were leaving our home forever! In that moment it dawned on my, just put them in the garbage. At first I felt a tiny bit guilty, but then in went the second, then the third and soon my counters were clean and I was out of the kitchen and off to play with Jordan and Janelle. It was such a relief.

So sometimes I recycle and sometimes I am just to busy and tired. I guess I am caught somewhere between Heaven and Hell. Contrary to what the Pope says I am certain of where I will spend eternity, my God is a forgiving God who would never punish someone for choosing to make their life a little easier and less cluttered. I know my fate and no one can tell me any different.

When Things Calm Down

When things calm down at my house, like right now, both girls asleep, I never know what to do with myself.
Exercise, hmmm.. too loud, my big body bouncing will wake the children.
Clean, well why torture myself.
Read, zzzzz..... too tired.
Mindlessly search the internet, yup!!
I wish I had the energy to do something productive, make myself a better person in some way. Clean my house, make scrapbook memories, bake perfect cakes, read great literature.
But when the girls are asleep I just find myself aimlessly and quietly wandering the house. Could this be why my home is in such a messy state? Probably.
I know many mom's who have made amazing scrapbooks of their children, other mom's have really really clean houses, I even know one mom who has started her own at home business. What do they know that I don't. Pills, alcohol, what? what? Where does the pep come from, the energy to do such things???
I know that Jordan and Janelle are happy and they really don't seem to mind the messy house but I just wish I could know these other mom's secrets.
Another thing about these perfect mom's, the productive ones, the ones who probably have dinner preparations going on right now, is that they all seem to flock together. In groups, they go place in packs, they stick together. While I wander the Clifton Park mom world alone.
If anyone out there can tell me, the secrets of these robotic women I would love to hear?