Vanity

vain
adj. vain·er, vain·est
1. Not yielding the desired outcome; fruitless: a vain attempt.
2. Lacking substance or worth: vain talk.
3. Excessively proud of one's appearance or accomplishments; conceited.
4. Archaic Foolish.

Twice in the past few weeks this word, vain has been used to describe me. Now I have never considered myself to be vain and I took these references as assaults on my character. Do I consider myself vain, absolutely not. In fact I see myself to be quite the opposite.

Growing up I was always the skinny girl with the funny hair. My father loves to recall how as a toddler he would take me out and people would stop in their tracks and point at me. A tiny girl of 2 or 3, very small for my age yet walking and to top it off I had an afro. Not curly hair, not wavy hair, not the uniform tight curls that adorned the head of Little Orphan Annie, no I had a fro.

I can only imagine my poor mother trying to make sense of tufts of hair that sprouted from my tiny head. My sisters had been graced with pin straight shiny hair that could be combed through easily and styled into the fashion of the day. Not my hair, it's poufy, big and funny. It has a life of it's own. Finally my mom cut my hair short and that is they way it stayed. Many hairdressers over the years told me I could never have the long hair that I have dreamed about. My hair is course, curly, wavy, and frizzy, I do the best I can with what I have. That is pretty much how I approach my daily grooming sessions. I try to accentuate the positive, my eyes, big blue eyes, they look great with pretty eyeshadow and black mascara. I always wear earrings, even if I am the only one home who will see them. I find that a pair of earrings, a nice top, and some makeup really help me to get going each day and to feel good about myself.

I work with what I have and hope that it all looks good. I try to take chances when I dress, I like to look unique, no carbon copy mom uniform for me. For this reason, I am always asking my husband how I look. Does my hair look to poufy, is my top to low cut, etc.... I know this annoys him and I try not to do this very often. But on Sundays when we go to church I like to dress up and look pretty.

Now back to the topic of this post, is this vanity, am I vain? I like to look nice and I like my children to wear pretty clean clothes and to have their hair done. I like my dog to look neatly groomed and pretty. It's more fun to pet a clean dog who has been professionally groomed. I also think my dog knows she looks pretty and feels better. Not unlike us humans.

But other then my appearance my life is a wreck. My house is dirty, messy and not decorated all that well. My car is a dangerous moving violation. Over the summer their were bees circling it and my husband claimed they could smell all the old food and spilled drinks inside! Would a vain person own a car so dirty that insects try to pry their tiny bodies into it's crevices for a snack? I really don't think so.

Vain people don't ask others how they look. Conceited people know they look good and don't need the approval of others. I am not vain, just maybe a bit insecure, it's just the little skinny girl in me trying to fit in. Trying to look my best. If I kept my house perfectly decorated and impeccably clean no one would call me vain. They would praise me and say I was the second coming of Martha Stewart! Why is a person who takes pride in their appearance considered vain?

Galatians 3:20 states: "Let us not become conceited provoking and envying each other." I envy no one. I have accepted what God has given me. I try to model my life after what is referred to as the Fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self- control. I don't have them mastered and probably never will but I sure do wish that I would be judged by how I love my kids, by the joy I have when taking care of my dogs, the patience I have for Jordan when she wants to do everything herself, the kindness that I try to show to all the people I meet, the goodness of my heart, my faithfulness to my family and to God, my gentleness to those who need help, and my self-control when I hold my tongue instead of saying what is exactly on my mind.

Please don't judge me not, for I don't judge you. I'm just trying to do my best and look it at the same time.

Karen and the Neverending To Do List

I now am the mom of a new golden retriever puppy! Bella is a sweet energetic dog who is quickly becoming one of the family. With all this excitement I have been having a hard time keeping track of all the things I need to do each day. I'll be doing the laundry and I will start to think about how I need to drop Avon books off, call for pictures, take a bath, brush my kids teeth, you get the picture. But as soon as I finish the laundry these tasks always get filed away in my brain. Most likely to the cold case file storage room in my head, I only remember them at the last minute, when it is do or die and I need to get this or that done now! I run through the house shouting orders, screaming at my kids, jumping over dogs, all the while chanting the mom's mantra of " Why am I always rushing around at the last minute!!"

In the past I have made lists, but then always proceed to misplace them. Greg says the computer is the way to go. Use your email task list, it is much easier!

So yesterday I sat down made a list on the computer, but a busy mom such as me cannot get by with just one list. I need daily lists, birthday party planning lists, Christmas task lists and household cleaning lists just to name a few.

When I attempted to make multiple lists on the computer it just would not work. So I called my computer savvy, computer programmer, genius of a husband. Now I should have known before I called him that he would be no help. This is a man who can single handily run his department at work. He is the computer guru of the insurance world for goodness sake, but present him with simple computer tasks, and he is clueless. He can't even figure out Facebook. Jordan can use FB, jeepers! I call Greg at work and he says "wait till I get home, I'll show you then."

So this morning in our crazy house of 1 preschooler, 1 toddler, 1 old dog and 1 pup, we set about making to do lists.

We spent an hour trying to figure out how to make a to do list. He pointed, I clicked, we read directions, we argued, but no new list. Here we were 2 adults with loads to do, staring at a computer trying to make a list, all the while surrounded by empty notebooks, post it notes, desk calenders and 2 planners. Well, we never figured it out. I never made my list. Whoever said technology is freeing was sadly mistaken. I wasted an hour trying to figure out how to make a to do list instead of actually doing my to do's.

This scenario is a very classic example of why I am so tired, why I see no end in sight to my exhaustion and why my house will never ever be clean!

To all you tired mom's out there if you forget things, get a notebook or a planner and with a pen in hand make lists to your hearts content. Making lists can be quite satisfying even if you lose them, or never ever check anything off. I think a well written to do list is an art form that should be admired and preserved for at least a day or so before checking things off of it anyway!

Now go and make a list you have things to do!

Liberty

Well, I have just been too sad to write. On October 30 I found out that my Liberty, my beloved cocker spaniel has cancer. We have chosen not to treat it and to just love her and keep her comfortable for the remainder of her days.

As I sit here typing my eyes are filling with tears my love for this dog is just so big that I really can't bear to even think of it. She has had many good days and a few bad these past few weeks. All I ask is that whoever reads this will say a prayer , for a dog that was twice returned to the pound but who for the past 9 years has loved us and loved life. She has touched many people and even at the age of 10 she still gets more attention when out then a puppy! Dogs like Liberty are few and far between. I am not talking about a perfect dog, Liberty is not and never has been. She steals food, right out of my hand in fact! She snips at children, and even bites puppies! But she is loyal, she is brave, she is playful, and she has loved me and been with me for the past 9 years more than even my husband!

I was going to tell her tale today, how we found her, the silly things she has done, but really in the end all that matters is how she made us feel. Dogs are created by God to love their owners, provide companionship and to give joy! Many times they may seem like more work then fun but ultimately when their lives are nearing the end the comfort they provided us during their lives is their lasting legacy.

When Liberty is up late in the night, panting and breathing hard I rub her and hold her. Her breathing slows, she knows I am there. Just as she was there for me when I was afraid of being home alone, or the time she knew I was hurting with a very bad headache, she licked my face and I was comforted. That's what dogs do, they bring comfort and joy to our lives.

I will store up all the memories of Liberty in my heart during these last days of her life. I will try to remember her fur, the softness, how her paws sometimes smell like corn chips. I will memorize her face and rub my nose on her wet nose. But the comfort, the closeness of sharing a good cuddle with her and how she was sad when I am sad is what will be her lasting legacy. She took care of me and now I will do the same for her. She is fragile now, but she is still the dog who would walk with me for hours in the woods. We had our times, we shared alot in those woods. Adventures that only the 2 of us share. We were quite a pair and a piece of my heart will go with her when she dies.

I love you Liberty and always will, you are and will forever be my true best friend.