My Janelle

This morning Janelle was eating her breakfast. Peach yogurt. She was painting with it instead of eating it. Finally I scooped my vanilla into her mouth, yummy, she ate it! When the vanilla was gone I tried to scoop the peach into her hungry body. She turned her head and pointed to mine. Finally I realized, Janelle does not like peach yogurt.

Janelle cannot talk. She has trouble expressing herself. She knows exactly what she wants but can't tell me. Janelle is almost 2 and a half but she has the speech abilities of a 15 month old. I have had Janelle evaluated 2 times and am hoping that tomorrow her 3 time will be the charm. Speech therapy is very expensive, but in many cases the county will pay. So far they have refused. My entire family and even Janelle's doctor is baffled. Her problems may be quite serious, the doctor is concerned. She is at risk for many behavioral problems. I hope tomorrow will be a new beginning for us all.

Until you have dealt with a child who struggles to speak you will never understand. Janelle is otherwise a very bright young toddler. She uses her own form of sign language to get what she wants but unfortunately and in most situations she just goes without. I try my best and yet I did not know Janelle did not like peach yogurt. If we go out to eat and the menu does not have pictures we have no idea what to order her. She usually gets whatever Jordan is having. In many ways we don't even know our little girl.

This is frustrating for everyone involved. Most of her speech comes out in a barrage of uh's and um's. When she does not know the answer to a question she will simply replies, "mommy daddy" ? There is confusion and longing in her eyes. How awful to have the words stuck inside and have no way of know how to get them out. Some days I get so exhausted. I am constantly trying to figure out what she wants and to decipher her grunts. By 3 in the afternoon I am mentally worn out.

Last year she could clearly say flower. Wow! I was so proud. Flower is no longer a word she can say. She is not stubborn or manipulative, something I was told in the past. My child cannot speak. Speech difficulties are a mystery to doctors. They are agony for parents.

I only want my little girl to be happy, to play with other kids without them getting mad at her because she replies "NO" when that is not the appropriate word. I know that someday, hopefully soon, she will get the help she needs and will soon be able to express herself, but until then each day is a battle.

Until you are faced with a child who is struggling to tell you something you will never understand what a day in my life is like. I see her trying to process her thoughts, and then I see the wall go up. The words don't come. Janelle is sad and so am I.

Janelle is much more then this problem, I am lucky because I know one day she will rise above this struggle and be all she can be. She will light up the world with words and no one will be happier to hear her then me. We will finally know what kind of ice cream she likes, her favorite TV show and whether it will be chicken or burgers for dinner.