Status Update: The Reality

Karen is wondering why mom's don't support each other? How can I live in a neighborhood populated with SAHM's and be so alone. Am I the only one whose phone does not ring, who has absolutely no play dates? No girls night out, no coffee with friends. I even joined a mom's club and no matter how hard I try, I am still alone.

At this point during the winter my isolation has been going on for about 4 months, soon, we will head to the park. The nice weather will not bring an end to this isolation, just a change of location. We will pack a lunch and head to the park, we will play at one end, while a group of mom's and their kids play at another. My daughter will approach this group and try ever so hard to join in, to play. It's so sad because she does not realize that they look at her as if she were an alien. At library class, she runs to the children, wants to hold hands and dance, but kids are the same, they don't want to ighnclude an outsider. Jordan persists and my heart breaks for her. I am in the same boat.

No one wants to hold my hand either.

I've tried to talk with these other mom's, make friends, now I'm just too tired to even give it a try. What is it about me that makes me different? And why do my children have to suffer because of it? I'm going on year 4 of motherhood and year 4 of trying to fit in with the other mom's. I'm just plain tired. This isolation is my reality and this boredom, this not knowing how to become a mom with friends is my life long suffering. Drama queen, yup, but I just cleaned up a dozen cracked eggs off the floor, some dog poop on the rug and I need to remake the Valentines that Jordan ruined. I want to cry, call a friend but no phone numbers come to mind, so here I sit and write.

Why can't we all just be friends, why can't we all have the philosophy of my 3 year old daughter. Everyone she sees is a friend. I have this mentality also, but still we always arrive at the park too late, everyone got the memo to get there at 10, everyone but us. Why can't the other mom's see that I am no different then them, my conversation skills are not as polished as they used to be. Most day's I speak to no one over the age of 4. So yes, I am quiet, I am shy, but why does my life resemble high school once again?

I have such a strong desire to help others, but yet my own need goes unnoticed. I have never once even been approached, it is always me starting the conversation, it is so difficult, trying to make friends; find friends for my kids. Some days, days like today, I sit home in tears, my heart is broken, motherhood, the social part of it at least, is not at all what I expected.

So I sit here, in my home, Karen Adkins, a mom going it alone, this is my real status update, this is my reality.