Vanity

vain
adj. vain·er, vain·est
1. Not yielding the desired outcome; fruitless: a vain attempt.
2. Lacking substance or worth: vain talk.
3. Excessively proud of one's appearance or accomplishments; conceited.
4. Archaic Foolish.

Twice in the past few weeks this word, vain has been used to describe me. Now I have never considered myself to be vain and I took these references as assaults on my character. Do I consider myself vain, absolutely not. In fact I see myself to be quite the opposite.

Growing up I was always the skinny girl with the funny hair. My father loves to recall how as a toddler he would take me out and people would stop in their tracks and point at me. A tiny girl of 2 or 3, very small for my age yet walking and to top it off I had an afro. Not curly hair, not wavy hair, not the uniform tight curls that adorned the head of Little Orphan Annie, no I had a fro.

I can only imagine my poor mother trying to make sense of tufts of hair that sprouted from my tiny head. My sisters had been graced with pin straight shiny hair that could be combed through easily and styled into the fashion of the day. Not my hair, it's poufy, big and funny. It has a life of it's own. Finally my mom cut my hair short and that is they way it stayed. Many hairdressers over the years told me I could never have the long hair that I have dreamed about. My hair is course, curly, wavy, and frizzy, I do the best I can with what I have. That is pretty much how I approach my daily grooming sessions. I try to accentuate the positive, my eyes, big blue eyes, they look great with pretty eyeshadow and black mascara. I always wear earrings, even if I am the only one home who will see them. I find that a pair of earrings, a nice top, and some makeup really help me to get going each day and to feel good about myself.

I work with what I have and hope that it all looks good. I try to take chances when I dress, I like to look unique, no carbon copy mom uniform for me. For this reason, I am always asking my husband how I look. Does my hair look to poufy, is my top to low cut, etc.... I know this annoys him and I try not to do this very often. But on Sundays when we go to church I like to dress up and look pretty.

Now back to the topic of this post, is this vanity, am I vain? I like to look nice and I like my children to wear pretty clean clothes and to have their hair done. I like my dog to look neatly groomed and pretty. It's more fun to pet a clean dog who has been professionally groomed. I also think my dog knows she looks pretty and feels better. Not unlike us humans.

But other then my appearance my life is a wreck. My house is dirty, messy and not decorated all that well. My car is a dangerous moving violation. Over the summer their were bees circling it and my husband claimed they could smell all the old food and spilled drinks inside! Would a vain person own a car so dirty that insects try to pry their tiny bodies into it's crevices for a snack? I really don't think so.

Vain people don't ask others how they look. Conceited people know they look good and don't need the approval of others. I am not vain, just maybe a bit insecure, it's just the little skinny girl in me trying to fit in. Trying to look my best. If I kept my house perfectly decorated and impeccably clean no one would call me vain. They would praise me and say I was the second coming of Martha Stewart! Why is a person who takes pride in their appearance considered vain?

Galatians 3:20 states: "Let us not become conceited provoking and envying each other." I envy no one. I have accepted what God has given me. I try to model my life after what is referred to as the Fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self- control. I don't have them mastered and probably never will but I sure do wish that I would be judged by how I love my kids, by the joy I have when taking care of my dogs, the patience I have for Jordan when she wants to do everything herself, the kindness that I try to show to all the people I meet, the goodness of my heart, my faithfulness to my family and to God, my gentleness to those who need help, and my self-control when I hold my tongue instead of saying what is exactly on my mind.

Please don't judge me not, for I don't judge you. I'm just trying to do my best and look it at the same time.